BAD JOKES!

THS,

How about this since I referred to Money.


Money, get back.
I'm all right Jack keep your hands off of my stack

What did the one snowman say to the other snowman?
Smells like carrots.

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang,bang,clop clop clop?
An amish drive-by shooting

How are a texas tornado and a tennessee divorce the same?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

God Loves Blondes

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble.
Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's desperate, so she decides to ask God for help.

She begins to pray... 'God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery'

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.

She again prays... 'God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.'

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... 'My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving.

I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You.

PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order.'

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.

The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...







'Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket.'




A

Very funny Kate! Ah wait ... now I know why I never win the lotto!

Stitch

Tracker - I don't get your joke.

That's upsetting for me. I never not get jokes!

I suspect my understanding (or lack of) the term 'douchebag' is key to this, one.

Anyway, whilst I'm here:

Q: What device allows you to walk through walls?







A: A door.

(You can pull a similar joke using a 'look through walls / window' combo. It doesn't work on the same person as you told the 'door' one on though. They tend to catch on to the punchline.)

Superman is flying through the city one day when he spots Wonder Woman on a rooftop indulging in a spot of nudey sunbathing.

'Wahey!' thinks Superman, 'I could whoosh down there super-fast, have a quick hows yer father and then up up and away again in a blink of an eye!'

He does just that and flies off.

Startled, Wonder Woman says 'What the hell was that?'

The Invisible Man replies 'God knows, but my arse is in tatters!'

Didnt someone post that somewhere else on here? Smokin.

[quote="AngeloComet"]Tracker - I don't get your joke.

That's upsetting for me. I never not get jokes!

I suspect my understanding (or lack of) the term 'douchebag' is key to this, one.


Angelo....this is probably a cultural gap we have. My explanation will make this slightly amusing joke even less funny.....but..... here I go.

A homemade "douche" (female cleansing agent) was commonly made with a mixture of vinegar and water.

I don't know if the slang douchebag is used in the UK but here it means amongst (many vulgar) things, idiot or loser.

Therefore my joke was a play on words. Having had to explain it probably means I won the worst joke competition!

Definately Tracker, thats a winner.

yoooo hooooo I won something!!!!

Don't worry, I have more jokes that I would have to later explain.

TheHolyStickman wrote:Didnt someone post that somewhere else on here? Smokin.

Did not know that.
Dammit!

What is 2 + 2?






A: The net skirt worn by ballerinas

What did the dairy queen say to the burger king?








Better wrap your whopper

What did George of the Jungle say when he saw a herd of wild elephants in the distance?




A: Look a herd of elephants in the distance



What did George of the Jungle say when he saw a herd of wild elephants wearing dark sunglasses in the distance?


A: Nothing he didn't recognise them